By Stephen Propst
Are you stuck in your comfort zone? Here are some tips to help you become “unstuck” and continue on your journey toward stability.
By a fairly young age, most of us develop a set of deeply ingrained beliefs. We then live within self-imposed comfort zones based on these beliefs. In our comfort zones we find safety, resist change, and often settle for what can be a mundane existence. The so-called comfort we find actually keeps us from achieving greater fulfillment.
For folks who live with bipolar disorder, these alluring comfort zones can become more disabling than the illness itself. Even if we find ourselves in a less-than-satisfactory place, we don’t want to take the risk of seeking out better circumstances.
Are you trapped in a comfort zone? You may be realizing that it’s not so comfortable, after all. If you feel isolated, overloaded, tired, and hopeless—or if you’ve ever heard yourself making any of the following statements—you could well be stuck:
- “I’ve done everything I can.”
- “My illness has no cure.”
- “I’m treatment-resistant.”
- “Nothing works for me.”
- “My doctor says I’ve got an unusual case.”
There are several mindsets that keep us stranded in our comfort zone, including a fear of failure, a resistance to change, and a lack of motivation. A belief that we can only move forward by taking a giant leap also roots us in place.
It’s as if we’re trapped behind a mental wall, unable to get out and get on with life. Our present situation is far less than optimal, and yet we resign ourselves to staying put.
But, have no fear—there’s hope.
A number of years ago, I went to see the circus. From my seat, I had a perfect view of the tightrope act. Looking back, I realize that these performers are the perfect models for those of us who need to step outside our comfort zone. For example, tightrope walkers use the starting platform not for comfort but to gain control and prepare to launch forward. They move with confidence and determination to reach their goal. They react according to their plan, regaining their balance if they encounter a problem along the way.
Like walking a tightrope, moving out of your comfort zone can seem like a gamble. But genuine fulfillment only takes place when we’re willing to take that risk. And if you equip yourself with the necessary skills and surround yourself with the right support, you can move forward successfully.
These seven steps—which I’ve modeled after a strategy outlined in Judith Sills’s book The Comfort Trap—will help you on your way.
#1 Face the Facts
Often, we avoid change at all costs. We blame, we doubt, and we avoid. We may attempt to alleviate our discomfort, but we stop short of making a decisive move. So we must first be honest, acknowledging that our current situation is unfulfilling. We must admit that succumbing to the status quo is keeping us from reaching our full potential. We must rely on rational thinking and judgment, not merely emotions.
#2 Picture Something Better
Chances are slim that you’ll leave a comfort zone if you don’t have a clear picture of a better place. It’s essential to set a realistic goal and envision yourself walking the tightrope to reach it. The vision you establish must be positive and rewarding, it must be within your control, and it must be inspiring enough to move you forward, if only a small step at a time.
#3 Make a Choice
It’s important to consciously decide that it’s time to move out of your comfort zone. To some extent, you have to rely on your own intuition, shut off that internal voice of fear, and listen to the voice of reason.
#4 Examine Your Past
When it’s time to move forward, looking back can help. Have you faced similar circumstances before? How did you react? What obstacles did you overcome? What resources helped you act? To get somewhere new, you have to do something different, perhaps uncomfortable. I once had to change therapists—a very uncomfortable move at the time. But when I remembered how I handled changing doctors two years earlier, I gained more confidence to make the transition.
#5 Be Willing to Let Go
You’ve faced the facts, pictured something better, made a choice, and examined your past to help plan your move. Now, don’t freeze in place. It’s time to let go, and that can hurt. But moving forward always involves saying goodbye to the familiar. We may have to let go of people and things in order to grow. Attachments can be strong, so this is not always an easy step. As long as you don’t risk turning back, it helps to let go gradually.
#6 Deal with Fear
Surrounding every comfort zone is a circle of fear and anxiety. You have to cross it. Being anxious and afraid makes a person passive and less likely to change. So you must confront fear head-on and counteract it.
Start by separating what you desire from what you fear. For example, the fear of changing medications keeps you from trying one that might have fewer side effects. The dread of meeting new people steers you clear of visiting a support group that could give you the hope you need. Sort out your thinking, and stay focused on your goal.
#7 Make a Move
If you’re serious about leaving your comfort zone, you have to make a move. Stepping on the tightrope requires a well-developed action plan. No one is suggesting that you act haphazardly. Remember, those circus performers make it look easy, but they plan every single maneuver, and they consider every consequence.
Remember, there’s no shame in being stuck in a comfort zone. It’s a natural part of life for everyone - a prerequisite for growth, in fact. But it becomes unhealthy when it becomes a permanent way of life. If you find you can’t get out of your comfort zone, don’t hesitate to ask for help from someone you trust.
Whatever you do, don’t keep lingering in limbo. It’s time to break free of the self-imposed limitations of your comfort zone. It’s time to make your move to a richer, more rewarding life where the possibilities are limitless.
Used by permission.