By Stephen Propst
Living with bipolar can be a challenge. Staying on top of it requires continuous vigilance — along with faith and hope.
It’s hard to believe that “Mind Over Mood” has been around for 10 years, appearing in every issue of bp Magazine except the first. Equally unbelievable is my just turning 50! I never thought my column would be around this long (and there have been times when I questioned whether or not I would). After all, dealing with the ups and downs of bipolar can be overwhelming.
Thinking about this publication’s 10th anniversary—and my 50th—has given me cause to pause and look back before going forth. In studying the past, I can’t ignore the heavy toll bipolar has taken: managing all the medications, fighting just to make it through the day, not having a regular full-time career, struggling with suicidal thoughts, dealing with feelings of despair, and on and on. I’ve been fired from jobs, frustrated with family or friends (and they with me!), and fed up with life. Sometimes I’m surprised I’ve made it this far.
Having bipolar disorder has, at times, broken my spirit, ripped away at my self-confidence, and drastically detoured my life. It’s affected everything from my self-esteem to my sanity. I’ve often questioned who I am and where I’m headed. My life has frequently been defined by misguided thinking, misspoken words, and mistaken actions. If you or a loved one lives with bipolar, you know how much chaos and confusion this condition entails.
But in spite of how troubling, taxing, and tiring bipolar can be, I’ve tried my best to be patient and persistent in managing it. I’ve repeatedly reminded myself, “I can hang in there, if only until tomorrow.” I try to continually reevaluate what I can and cannot handle, rethink my goals, and reorganize my priorities. (On a bad day, just getting out of bed might be the only goal I reach, but that’s okay.)
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