By Stephen Propst
We can champion our journey to mood stability by redirecting our negative thoughts with positive questions for self-reflection.
Negative & Positive Thinking
In the support groups I facilitate, I often use “What if?” questions to challenge people’s thinking. Specifically, I try to redirect a negative expression to a positive one. When someone asks, “What if I never recover?” I say, “What if you do?” Or, if someone asks, “What if I never turn my life around?” I retort, “What if you do?”
All too often, the questions we ask are self-defeating. They’re used as an excuse. They reinforce negative thinking. Here are some examples:
“What if someone finds out I have bipolar disorder?”
“What if this medication has side effects?”
“What if my therapy doesn’t work?”
“What if I have another manic episode?”
“What if I never find a good doctor?”
But, what if the “What if?” questions you ask could help move you toward wellness?
The Power of “What If?” Questions
Asking more positive and thought-provoking versions of “What if?” has numerous advantages. It compels you to clear your head, calm your fears, consider new possibilities, chart your future, and champion your recovery.
In my life, I’ve learned to move worry and clutter out of my mind and into the form of constructive questions. I stop and ask questions that challenge my perspective about a situation. I explore new options for addressing problems I once thought were unsolvable.
Initially, authoring these columns presented quite a dilemma for me. I’ve always enjoyed public speaking more than writing. Being a magazine columnist seemed daunting. But the task was made considerably easier when I asked myself, “What if I write like I’m speaking to an audience or a friend?” In answering that question, I came to see things in a new light, greatly reducing my anxiety.
The power is in the type of “What if?” questions you pose. In this essay, I offer several sets of these questions to consider. As you contemplate your answers, you’ll discover simple ideas for creating a more successful, satisfying “recovery” and life. In addition to giving it a go alone, you can go through this process with the people who support your recovery. You can even use it as part of your therapy sessions. Just check with your therapist first!
Regardless of how you proceed, pondering the questions and continuing to pose similar ones yourself should produce positive results.
Here are the first seven questions.
Changing Perspectives
Remember, the Question Is “What If …”
- … you learned of a cure for your illness? Would you move on with your life or claim that something else was holding you back?
- … you had the perfect doctor and therapist? Would your chances for full recovery improve?
- … you started taking the lead in your treatment? Would you make progress in recovery?
- … you no longer faced any stigma? Would you still find someone or something to blame?
- … your insurance company no longer discriminated against you? Would you seek out the best care you could find and stick to it?
- … your family accepted you as who you are? Would you spend time focusing on them and their needs?
- … your friends actually “got it”? Would you embrace them and their issues as well?
Years ago, I asked myself how my “recovery” would be impacted if my family had a chance to more fully understand my illness. I wondered how my situation would improve if my friends had a better grasp of what was going on with me. These questions prompted me to take action. For example, I asked my doctor to write to my parents about my bipolar diagnosis and what it meant. I began opening up to close friends and answering their questions. As a result, I was able to begin securing the circle of support that I enjoy and rely on today.
Are you beginning to see how asking positive hypothetical questions can lead you to reflect and engage in productive conversation with others?
Let’s look at several more questions.
Prompts for Productive Conversations
What if …
- … your self-esteem was finally intact? Would you start to see the good in you that others have seen all along?
- … you examined your thinking? Would you replace negative thoughts with healthy, empowering ones?
- … you stopped seeing yourself as being disabled? Would you get on with your life and capitalize on your abilities?
- … you accepted full responsibility for your words and actions? Would you quit placing blame everywhere else?
- … you quit making excuses? Would you take a first step toward achieving your dream?
- … you knew when to keep your mouth shut? Would you become a better listener?
- … you didn’t take everything personally? Would you become more self-confident?
There was a time when an innocent comment would shut me down and a reasonable question could set me off. Learning to question myself enabled me to become more objective and balanced and less emotional and sensitive. And I’m still working at it.
Here are the final questions.
Asking Empowering Questions
What if …
- … you left the past behind and were hopeful about tomorrow? Would you start making the most of today?
- … you could finally get the job, the home, and the relationship you’ve always wanted? Would you be happier?
- … you finally let your guard down? Would you allow those closest to you to know your deepest secrets?
- … you realized that it’s OK to not be perfect? Would you be willing to admit it when you made a mistake?
- … you began to see yourself as lovable? Would you accept love from others and be willing to share it?
- … you stopped setting unreasonable expectations? Would you set realistic, yet challenging, goals?
- … you started standing up and speaking out for yourself? Would you improve mental health care for everyone?
In learning to become my own best advocate, I asked questions like, “What if I stand up for myself and don’t let this person degrade me?” and “What if I speak out about the type of treatment I’m receiving?” Doing so was instrumental in energizing my “recovery.”
You’ll find that your stability benefits, too, when you ask the right “What if?” questions. It moves you forward on the road to wellness. Asking the wrong questions, on the other hand, places limits on yourself and your recovery.
Think you’ve got it?
Let’s see. Which question is more likely to lead to an answer that boosts your stability?
- “What if I’m never stable again?” Or,
- “What if I try this strategy and it leads to more stability?”
Stop demeaning yourself and holding yourself back. Start believing in yourself and look forward to a more meaningful life. When you ask the right questions, there’s no limit to what you can accomplish.
Used by permission.