By Stephen Propst
Owning our diagnosis and being accountable for our words and actions will help us with relationships and put us on a steady path with our bipolar.
Looking back, I realize now that for years I made managing bipolar and maintaining relationships more difficult by sending mixed messages. My rendition of what I was saying and doing conflicted with what others were observing.
Working in Florida one summer, I was sleeping only three to four hours per night. While in my mind nothing was wrong, others were alarmed by what they perceived as manic behavior and mistaken thinking—my friends and family saw a person on the verge of self-destructing.
Over time, I’ve learned to be more accountable for my words and actions. I eventually decided I needed to take responsibility for my own welfare and get help. I sought the care of a psychiatrist— I’ve been with him almost 20 years now— and told him I couldn’t go it alone anymore and I knew there were no quick fixes. I’ve also actively pursued therapy specifically to address my misguided mindset.
Now, here’s a statement someone living with bipolar—much like me in those early days—might make: He says, “I don’t have a problem.” However, what others notice—his nonsensical talking and erratic conduct—is dramatically different. Now consider what a person who has learned to see the situation as others see it might state: She says: “I have a problem and have to take action.” She recognizes that she has a real, but treatable, medical condition.
Here are more “he says/she says” scenarios that illustrate how “the bipolar brain” can lead to a person’s speech and behavior being simply out of sync with what others perceive.
SHE SAYS, “Forget what’s happened before.” She does nothing to learn from her mistakes. He says, “I pay attention to my past.” He gains insight from his life experiences.
HE SAYS, “I don’t need that much shut-eye.” He rarely practices sound sleeping strategies. She says, “Getting solid sleep is critical.” She makes sure the bedroom environment is conducive to a good night’s rest.
SHE SAYS, “I hate my psychiatrist.” She views her doctor as nothing but a vending machine for dispensing drugs. He says, “My doctor and I have a positive relationship.” He partners with his psychiatrist and works hard at engaging in effective, two-way communication.
SHE SAYS, “I know what I’m doing.” She acts without regard to consequences. He says, “I have to be careful.” He takes steps, such as avoiding triggers, to prevent potential mood swings.
HE SAYS, “I am above reproach.” He is very disingenuous and tells “little white lies” all the time. She says, “Honesty is the best policy.” She strives to be truthful and forthright—with herself and others.
HE SAYS, “You can’t teach me anything.” He refuses to learn anything, like helpful coping skills. She says, “I learn something new every day.” She knows that gaining knowledge leads to being in greater control of her life.
SHE SAYS, “Therapy is just a bunch of talk.” She ignores dealing with self-esteem issues and deep-seated emotional pain. He says, “I have to confront my thoughts and feelings.” He’s changing his perspective for the better through therapy.
HE SAYS, “I make no apologies.” He takes no blame for anything he says or does. She says, “I’m genuinely sorry for any wrongdoings.” She works hard to make amends where possible.
Are you mindful of your mouth? Are you aware of your actions? Paying attention to the words you use and the behaviors you choose helps improve relationships and ensure recovery.
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Are You Sending Mixed Messages?
If so, are you willing to:
- Work at understanding why others perceive what you say and do differently than you do?
- Make changes in your communication and conduct where needed?
- Agree to think before you speak or act?
- Discuss any challenges with your doctor or therapist?
Used by permission.