By Stephen Propst
Distinguishing between symptoms and personality traits is not an exact science. But the most important thing to do is not to let it dominate your thinking.
When you have pneumonia, people don’t often confuse the telltale signs of the illness — clammy skin, high temperature, shallow breathing — with your personality. (Although I do know some folks who are cold, hotheaded, and shallow!) With bipolar, it’s not so simple, because real symptoms can reasonably be mistaken for intentional behavior.
Bipolar has a biological origin, yet the condition manifests itself behaviorally, psychologically, and emotionally. This can make it difficult to differentiate true symptoms from a person’s everyday style—that unique quality and manner that makes you, you. For example, someone can be talkative and outgoing without being manic—perhaps that’s just her nature. Or, someone can be sad and quiet without being depressed—maybe he is responding perfectly normally to the situation at hand.
Even after 25 years of living with bipolar, neither I nor my family and friends can always say for sure whether I’m in sync with my style or somewhat symptomatic. Suppose I’m out on a Saturday night having a really great time. I’m very chatty with everyone and cracking jokes right and left. Some might say I’m the life of the party. But am I simply being myself, or am I manic?
Monitoring Mood
Determining what is a symptom worthy of concern and what isn’t is not an exact science. Fortunately, there are some general questions you can ask yourself to help clarify what’s going on:
- If bipolar were not in the picture, would the questionable conduct be considered problematic or just personality?
- Has more than one person noticed the issue at hand?
- Is this an isolated occurrence or part of a pattern?
- To what extent does the emotional display or behavior meet established criteria for bipolar symptoms?
- Have there been any significant negative consequences?
For our part, those of us living with bipolar have an obligation to ourselves and to our loved ones to:
- Develop an awareness of what situations or environmental factors might trigger particular symptoms; for example, use a mood calendar to keep track of our cycles.
- Avoid known catalysts whenever possible, and pay attention to early warning signs.
- Learn to listen without defensiveness and to respond appropriately when others who know us well point out what they feel is a reasonable concern.
- Be consistent with our recovery regimen, such as seeing the doctor/ therapist, taking medication, keeping a journal, etc.
- Maintain a healthy support network to help us stay on the road to wellness.
A Positive Plan
Everyone can further help matters by establishing in advance what is—and what is not—constructive in identifying (and hopefully warding off) potential problems. Also, it helps to have an agreed-upon plan that can be put into action if and when real symptoms do emerge. The goal is to be reasonably vigilant about monitoring mood without going overboard and defining a person by his illness.
Whether you live with bipolar or you support someone who does, letting a diagnosis dominate your thinking is demeaning and deflating. Focus on seeing an individual’s style and not just a set of symptoms. Make a person’s persona your top priority.
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Do’s & Don’ts for Family and Friends
Don’t: go on a witch hunt looking for symptoms. Avoid viewing legitimate behaviors and justifiable emotions with automatic suspicion.
Do: check first with others, and rely on solid resources before you raise what you think may be an issue.
Do: be alert for blatantly obvious signs. When a behavior or emotional display is extreme or atypical, or if it persists, it may be a symptom that does need to be addressed.
Do: confront potential symptoms with love and understanding, not with a vengeful or accusatory approach. No matter how worried you may be—about relapse or danger, for example—don’t let your fear manifest as anger or an attack.
Do: consciously appreciate your loved one’s unique personal style!
Used by permission.