By Stephen Propst
We cannot control what other people say to us, but we do have the power to make sure hurtful statements don’t send our well-being into a tailspin.
Years ago, I overheard a family friend say: “Stephen is just too smart to have bipolar.” Are you kidding me? If I believed and internalized all of the misleading information and mistaken beliefs there are about this condition, I’d go crazy!
Until society at large gains a proper perspective on bipolar, I’ve discovered a simple tool to help maintain my sanity and stability: Whenever I hear someone utter something demeaning or diminishing, I reword the destructive statement into a more constructive one, which I then say to myself.
Take the absurd comment about my being “too smart.” I reworked that statement and then said to myself: “Wait a minute. No one is immune from having bipolar.”
Let’s look at more illustrations of this hear-say technique.
You hear: Bipolar is not that tough. You need to get on with your life.
You say to yourself: Surviving bipolar is no easy task. It’s hard for some people to understand how challenging this condition can be. Regardless, I will focus on doing my best, day by day, to maintain my wellness. I will set realistic expectations for myself.
You hear: What’s wrong? Aren’t you taking your pills?
You say to yourself: Medication is just part of battling bipolar. I take a comprehensive approach to recovery, which includes therapy, peer support, self-education, self-management, and medication—if needed, prescribed/managed by my doctor, and well-tolerated.
You hear: Are you not better yet?
You say to yourself: Unless you live with bipolar, it’s hard to understand it. During times of trouble, just getting out of bed is seemingly impossible. I’ll do what I can when I can, and I’ll ask for help when needed.
You hear: It’s your problem; you deal with it.
You say to yourself: Indeed, I have to champion my own recovery. However, that includes recognizing when I need help and reaching out to my doctor, therapist, and others for necessary assistance, especially in a crisis.
You hear: You’re driving me crazy!
You say to yourself: Unfortunately, my behavior can be problematic, especially when I’m manic. I am going to do my best to control it, try to explain the situation to others, and realize that they may or may not ultimately accept and appreciate the reality of bipolar.
You hear: Isn’t this just a made-up illness?
You say to yourself: Bipolar is a real medical condition, not unlike diabetes. I refuse to succumb to the myths and stigma. Instead, I will do what I can to educate others and improve their understanding of mood disorders.
You hear: I’m just not the person to help you.
You say to yourself: Not everyone from whom I seek help is prepared to assist. Fortunately, there are many sources of support. When I can’t turn to a family member or friend, I can take advantage of care/share groups, use the services of a certified peer specialist, or reach out to those better suited to help.
You hear: Everyone gets depressed.
You say to yourself: There is a difference between feeling sad and experiencing clinical depression, which can last longer, be more intense, and have more serious implications.
Reckless expressions can weigh you down and wreck your well-being. Being aware of your self-talk is key. The next time anyone makes an insensitive remark, take a moment to turn those hurtful words around. Hearing a careless comment from someone else doesn’t keep you from saying something more supportive to yourself!
One last point: There are occasions when someone says something completely outrageous. In such situations, it may make sense to confront the person and challenge the comment. It always pays to avoid filling your head with unhealthy thoughts, but sometimes you have to speak up and take a more direct stand.
Used by permission.