By Stephen Propst
Bipolar moved me to “resign” myself to a healthier, more balanced way of thinking. Here I offer my realistic and simple recovery tips in place of New Year’s resolutions.
It’s time to make those New Year’s resolutions. But, of the 40 to 50 percent of Americans who make them, more than 80 percent will break them, according to Harvard-trained psychologist Stephen Kraus, PhD. If you are like me, it’s easy to come up with these classic promises, but it’s far more difficult to follow through.
This year, instead of resolutions, I’ve come up with a list of “resignations.” The dictionary defines resignation as “unresisting acceptance of something as inescapable.” Over time, I’ve come to see that there are some givens in my life. I have “resigned” myself to the fact that I need to embrace these inescapable truths. Doing so has resulted in a healthier mind-set and increased motivation to better manage my mood and get on with my life.
I think living with bipolar disorder has led, in large part, to my developing a set of beliefs. Some “resignations” deal directly with my illness and some with life in general. You may not agree with all of my “resignations.” That’s not a problem. Take the best and leave the rest!
Following are my standalone “resignations,” in no particular order, that help me achieve and maintain wellness:
- The wrong attitude about having bipolar can be far more disabling than the condition itself.
- When I am in the darkest hell—and I’ve been there all too often—even the smallest pinpoint of light symbolizes enough hope to keep me going.
- Isolating myself from others has never solved anything. I merely end up in a place where no one is around to help me find the solutions.
- True friends stick with you, regardless. I cannot take them for granted, nor can I beat myself up for the ones who chose not to stay around.
- I can’t do everything I used to do. What I can do, I can’t always do as well or as easily as I once did. But what I can do, when I feel up to it, I do pretty well, and that’s good enough.
- There are many recovery strategies, such as following a sound nutrition plan and exercising regularly, which may be harder to maintain than just swallowing a pill, but they are essential, too.
- I may not think that feeling “on top of the world” in a manic phase is a problem, but it is—especially to those around me.
- To achieve stability, I need the right people on my team. A doctor who doesn’t listen to me, a therapist who coddles me, or friends who don’t support me are among those who don’t make the team.
- Having a survivor mentality doesn’t mean that I can make it alone. Without the support of loving family and friends, I cannot make it.
- All medications have potential side effects, and no one drug works the same for everyone. When one prescription doesn’t prove effective for me, I move on, knowing that I’m one step closer to finding one that is.
- I must work to avoid known triggers in my life that can increase stress, as I simply no longer have the same capacity to process that stress as efficiently as I once did.
- Stigma and discrimination will always be around to some degree, but I do have a choice. I can either succumb to this reality, or learn to rise above it.
- The possibility and probability of recovery is limited only by my thinking. The more my thoughts are positive and center around wellness, the more likely I am to behave in a way that keeps me moving toward it.
- Some people are not just “naturally” more motivated than others. Motivation is based on external reinforcement. When the right incentives are in place, I become inspired to get better.
- It is important that I control what I put in my mind, because it soon comes to rule my heart.
- It is far more difficult for me to accept myself than it is for others to accept who I am. I need to start seeing more of the person they see. Then, I need to spend more time learning to love that person.
- A positive change in direction requires making a change for the better. When you choose not to change anything in your life, don’t be surprised when nothing changes.
- Anything worthwhile—like relationships or recovery—takes time. There are no magic pills, but there are sound principles that, when pursued persistently and patiently, can help improve your life.
- I cannot always be happy, which depends on my circumstances—but I can have joy, which depends on my disposition.
- I don’t know myself best or what is best for me, but God does.
- Those days when life just sucks—and I have plenty of them—help me appreciate the good ones even more.
- The extent to which friends come to understand my bipolar condition is the extent to which they see me coming to grips with it.
- There are consequences, sometimes severe, to behavior, and that includes my behavior when I’m manic.
- No one can manage my bipolar disorder for me. Taking personal ownership and control is my responsibility.
- There is no one and nothing to blame for my illness. Learning to quit pointing fingers is essential to recovery.
- Life is not always fair. When you’re dealt a particular hand, you can either fold or play the game as best you can.
- The older I get, the more I realize that some things I thought really mattered, do not. Other things that I thought didn’t matter, really do.
- Worry is totally useless. It causes me to dwell on the improbable and detour from the possible.
- Therapy for my mind is just as important as medication for my brain.
- A mountain is never as high as when seen from the bottom for the first time. When I’m going through a tough time, I can look back, realize that I’ve climbed that slope before, and use past experience to help me keep moving forward.
In dealing with bipolar—and, for that matter, with life in general—one final “resignation” holds true: The more positive my outlook, the more balanced my thinking; and the more realistic my perspective, the easier it is to cope with life’s circumstances and maintain my wellness. I now see bipolar disorder as a catalyst that moved me to “resign” myself to a healthier, more balanced way of thinking.
Here’s a simple exercise. Pick any five of my “resignations” that resonate with you or come up with your own. Write each one on a separate index card. Put one card on the refrigerator, one near the television, one by the outside door, one on your bathroom mirror, and one on your nightstand. Each time you grab something to drink, reach for the remote, go outside, brush your teeth, or go to bed, read the cards. In doing so, you’ll be “minding” your thoughts in such a way that you get a better handle on managing your mood. Begin this practice today and before the next issue of bp Magazine, you’ll start seeing results.
Having bipolar disorder is certainly not a choice, but how you choose to deal with it is. In the coming year, “resign” yourself to accept the type of truths that reinforce recovery. You’ll be changing your mind—and your life— for the better.
Happy New Year!
Used by permission.