By Stephen Propst
Help from family and friends can have a profound impact on our mood stability. Consider these tips when you offer support to loved ones with bipolar.
#1 Face the Facts
It’s important that friends and family are willing to acknowledge that bipolar disorder is a legitimate brain-based condition. As with diabetes or cancer, bipolar requires medical treatment and management. It can be gut-wrenching and, at times, scary. It also helps to face the facts when it comes to our current mental health system. If you find it to be disorganized and disconnected, imagine what your loved one with bipolar is experiencing. With your support, they can be guided through the maze, find the best care, and stick to a workable treatment plan.
#2 Get Educated
People living with bipolar disorder might deny that anything’s wrong, and sometimes they don’t stay on their medications, for a variety of reasons. It’s important to learn about these and other nuances of bipolar. Fortunately, there are many resources available today, including bp Magazine and bphope, the Depression and Bipolar Support Alliance (DBSA), the National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI), and many other organizations that have both online and in-person support and resources.
#3 Take Some Time
Time is one of the hardest concepts to convey to people. We all want immediate results, but with bipolar, so-called overnight success can, in fact, extend to years. There are simply no quick fixes yet. Thinking there is a miracle “cure” only makes matters worse; so, instead, help your loved one set realistic goals. The road to stability is not a straight shot; it’s a winding path with delays, downtimes, and detours. Remember, progress can be made, but it takes time. Let patience be your guide.
#4 Treat People Like Adults
Bipolar can arrest a person’s emotional maturity and produce symptomatic behavior that might seem age-inappropriate and/or reckless. Please remember, however, that while someone who has bipolar may act “like a child” at times, they are an adult beneath that behavior. The world of the person who has bipolar disorder can be full of chaos and confusion, and low self-esteem is common. It can make a big difference when you continue to acknowledge and show respect for the grown human being who is struggling behind all the symptoms.
#5 Cultivate a Positive and Informed Mindset
How you see things does matter. With the amount of stigma and discrimination that exists in society at large, the last thing a person with bipolar needs is misguided thinking coming from family and friends, too. What we need is more support, not more shame. The more your response is based on reality and not on myths, the more your support can make a difference.
#6 Allow Them Some Space
Living with bipolar is a daunting task. Separating yourself from someone you want to help might feel like a foreign concept. But, as a support person, it is best to establish a loving distance between yourself and the person with bipolar. Set boundaries and establish consequences that encourage them to seek recovery on their own, all the while expressing your concern and willingness to help. Be supportive, patient, and understanding — without allowing yourself to be taken advantage of or feel used. Effective encouragement is helpful; enabling is not.
#7 Let Go of Past & Focus on the Present
Frustration often accompanies bipolar—both for those living with it and for those in supporting roles. Try to avoid wallowing in the past. Pointing fingers solves nothing, blaming is not the answer, and getting angry only makes matters worse. Bitterness and resentment are not good for you, and they can sometimes act as a trigger to the person with bipolar, inciting more of the behavior you want to discourage. Instead, focus on helping make tomorrow better. That’s true support.
#8 Take Care of Yourself
Bipolar affects not just the person who is diagnosed but those around them as well, so it’s important for you to develop your own coping skills. Only if you take care of yourself can you help another person. All too often, people in support roles end up becoming ill. Remember that you have yourself—and probably others—to care for as well.
#9 Never Give Up Hope
There is one crucial piece of advice for anyone who loves someone with bipolar disorder, and it is this: keep the faith and never give up. There have been many times in my life when I had nothing but hope. I am living proof that hope can keep a person going. So let your hope for a loved one spread — it’s contagious.
Used by permission.