Moving forward

How to Know When to Reach Out for Support

Stacey Brake — Fri, 19 Apr 2024 04:19:00 +0000

How to Know When to Reach Out for Support Stacey Brake Fri, 04/19/2024 - 00:19

If you are anything like I used to be, you wait to ask for help.

When I started out as a “baby counselor” meaning, my first job, I was the teen counselor at my local rape crisis center. It was emotionally tough work. I was trained but was I REALLY ready? I found that during some of the sessions, I had a hard time staying neutral and present (which are keys to being an effective counselor). I struggled but I was embarrassed to tell my supervisor that I was struggling. I worried that it might mean I wasn’t cut out for this work even though I felt like it was the work I was drawn to do.

Eventually, I noticed that I didn’t recognize myself and I didn’t like who I was becoming. I had always been an optimistic person pretty easily. Not because everything in my life had been easy and perfect but it was my natural disposition. I noticed that after being exposed to so many terrible, tragic and traumatic stories, I was feeling less safe. It felt like a filter was clouding my view of the world. I only saw the potential for bad. I noticed that I felt less trust and more anger. I was holding on to everyone else’s negative experiences.

It wasn’t good and it wasn’t going to be sustainable.

So, I spoke up and started working with my own counselor. In no time at all, I felt like myself again. I was able to shift my perspective and actually do meaningful work. I’m certain that if I hadn’t reached out for help, I would have burned out long ago.

Whatever it is we are here to do in the world, we need to take care of ourselves in order to actually do our best.

Luckily, I learned an important lesson WAY back then (about 20 years ago). I learned to put my oxygen mask on first. I learned that I could NOT do the work that I know I’m meant to do, if I don’t take care of myself.

I have worked really hard over the years to learn every strategy that can keep me on my path because this work is so important to me. I’ve tried more strategies, techniques and self-care practices than almost anyone I know. When I find something that works, I share it.

But even with all of the strategies and techniques in the world, sometimes, I just need someone else to help me gain perspective and to guide me lovingly back to myself.

So, how do you know if it’s time to reach out for support? Here’s a simple exercise you can do to help you decide.

What if nothing changes and I don’t feel better? What will that look like in 1 year? …5 years? Once you’ve gotten the picture in your mind, ask this question. Am I OK with how my life will look if nothing changes? If the answer is NO, then it’s time.

If you are ready for support, I’d love to support you but if I’m not the right fit, I’m happy to share the resources I have or give you guidance to help you find the right fit. Really, I just want you to live with joy and peace.

You deserve the joy and peace you desire! I’m cheering you on!

Stacey.

Are you addicted to worry?

Stacey Brake — Thu, 30 Nov 2023 22:03:25 +0000

Are you addicted to worry? Stacey Brake Thu, 11/30/2023 - 17:03

There are a lot of addictions that we are warned about in our lifetime. Cigarettes, gambling, etc… But does anyone ever talk to you about the addiction to worry?

The addiction to worry works in a similar way that gambling addiction works. Think about why slot machines are so addictive. Part of the draw with slot machines is that you just never know when you’re going to hit that big jackpot. The tension and excitement builds as you put in another coin, and another. Each time, you feel a sense that next time will be the one. If you play long enough, eventually, you WILL hit a jackpot. Nevermind that you spent $100 to win $50. It feels AMAZING to win. To be right. You get a big dopamine rush.

To understand what makes slot machines (and worry) so addictive, we have to look below the surface. We need to understand some classic behavioral psychology.

B.F.Skinner is famous in the world of psychology for his behavioral experiments on rats. He created something still referred to as the “Skinner Box”. It’s also still used in many experiments. The Skinner box basically allows the researcher to control the environment the rat lives in. For example, when the rat will get food.

Skinner is the one who introduced us to a concept called Intermittent Behavioral Reinforcement. In the Skinner box, it looked like this. There are levers in the Skinner box that can give the rat food if they press it. The rat discovers it usually by accident but then learns that he’ll get food if he presses the lever. But, as many experiments go, there’s a trick. In some groups of rats, the lever worked EVERY TIME but in other groups, the food only came out RANDOMLY. Which rat do you think pushed the lever the most?

The rats who were only rewarded (received food) randomly pressed the lever the most. Not only that, those rats became kind of obsessed with the lever.

Even though we are very different from rats (well, I like to think I am), we do have this behavioral characteristic in common. The reason people can become addicted to slot machines is that the rewards are given out randomly. It’s called Intermittent Behavioral Reinforcement. You could also call it, “Sometimes you win”.

Worry is like the slot machine. If we worry long enough about enough different topics, eventually, we’ll be right. We will get the dopamine hit in our brains because dopamine is related to survival. Whenever we do things that help us survive like eat, drink, compete for survival, or reproduce, we get a release of dopamine. Being “right” when we worry about something does the same. It’s our brain’s way of saying, “keep doing that”. The problem with worry is that sometimes we are right but many times we worry and everything works out. It’s Intermittent Behavioral Reinforcement…”sometimes you win”. That’s why it can be so addictive. That’s why we can become obsessed with our worried thoughts.

I have some good news. One very important thing that makes us different from rats is our ability to think about our thoughts. We can reflect. We can choose again. We can choose to retrain our own minds and thoughts. Yes, it takes practice. Yes, you probably need some tools. But, it’s totally possible.

If you haven’t downloaded my free guide yet, check it out below. There are practical tips you can use including a journal and symptom tracker. www.staceybrake.com/4-steps-to-freedom

If you have questions or want to share a story, send me a direct message!

You deserve the joy and peace you desire! I’m cheering you on!

Are you addicted to worry?

Stacey Brake — Thu, 30 Nov 2023 22:03:25 +0000

Are you addicted to worry? Stacey Brake Thu, 11/30/2023 - 17:03

There are a lot of addictions that we are warned about in our lifetime. Cigarettes, gambling, etc… But does anyone ever talk to you about the addiction to worry?

To understand what makes slot machines (and worry) so addictive, we have to look below the surface. We need to understand some classic behavioral psychology.

The rats who were only rewarded (received food) randomly pressed the lever the most. Not only that, those rats became kind of obsessed with the lever.

If you haven’t downloaded my free guide yet, check it out below. There are practical tips you can use including a journal and symptom tracker. www.staceybrake.com/4-steps-to-freedom

If you have questions or want to share a story, send me a direct message!

You deserve the joy and peace you desire! I’m cheering you on!