How to Know When to Reach Out for Support

Stacey Brake — Fri, 19 Apr 2024 04:19:00 +0000

How to Know When to Reach Out for Support Stacey Brake Fri, 04/19/2024 - 00:19

If you are anything like I used to be, you wait to ask for help.

When I started out as a “baby counselor” meaning, my first job, I was the teen counselor at my local rape crisis center. It was emotionally tough work. I was trained but was I REALLY ready? I found that during some of the sessions, I had a hard time staying neutral and present (which are keys to being an effective counselor). I struggled but I was embarrassed to tell my supervisor that I was struggling. I worried that it might mean I wasn’t cut out for this work even though I felt like it was the work I was drawn to do.

Eventually, I noticed that I didn’t recognize myself and I didn’t like who I was becoming. I had always been an optimistic person pretty easily. Not because everything in my life had been easy and perfect but it was my natural disposition. I noticed that after being exposed to so many terrible, tragic and traumatic stories, I was feeling less safe. It felt like a filter was clouding my view of the world. I only saw the potential for bad. I noticed that I felt less trust and more anger. I was holding on to everyone else’s negative experiences.

It wasn’t good and it wasn’t going to be sustainable.

So, I spoke up and started working with my own counselor. In no time at all, I felt like myself again. I was able to shift my perspective and actually do meaningful work. I’m certain that if I hadn’t reached out for help, I would have burned out long ago.

Whatever it is we are here to do in the world, we need to take care of ourselves in order to actually do our best.

Luckily, I learned an important lesson WAY back then (about 20 years ago). I learned to put my oxygen mask on first. I learned that I could NOT do the work that I know I’m meant to do, if I don’t take care of myself.

I have worked really hard over the years to learn every strategy that can keep me on my path because this work is so important to me. I’ve tried more strategies, techniques and self-care practices than almost anyone I know. When I find something that works, I share it.

But even with all of the strategies and techniques in the world, sometimes, I just need someone else to help me gain perspective and to guide me lovingly back to myself.

So, how do you know if it’s time to reach out for support? Here’s a simple exercise you can do to help you decide.

What if nothing changes and I don’t feel better? What will that look like in 1 year? …5 years? Once you’ve gotten the picture in your mind, ask this question. Am I OK with how my life will look if nothing changes? If the answer is NO, then it’s time.

If you are ready for support, I’d love to support you but if I’m not the right fit, I’m happy to share the resources I have or give you guidance to help you find the right fit. Really, I just want you to live with joy and peace.

You deserve the joy and peace you desire! I’m cheering you on!

Stacey.

A Simple Way to Stop Self-Sabotage

Rx 4 Wholeness — Fri, 03 Aug 2018 12:27:48 +0000

A Simple Way to Stop Self-Sabotage Rx 4 Wholeness Fri, 08/03/2018 - 08:27

By Stephen Propst

We can champion our journey to mood stability by redirecting our negative thoughts with positive questions for self-reflection.

Negative & Positive Thinking

In the support groups I facilitate, I often use “What if?” questions to challenge people’s thinking. Specifically, I try to redirect a negative expression to a positive one. When someone asks, “What if I never recover?” I say, “What if you do?” Or, if someone asks, “What if I never turn my life around?” I retort, “What if you do?”

All too often, the questions we ask are self-defeating. They’re used as an excuse. They reinforce negative thinking. Here are some examples:

“What if someone finds out I have bipolar disorder?”
“What if this medication has side effects?”
“What if my therapy doesn’t work?”
“What if I have another manic episode?”
“What if I never find a good doctor?”

But, what if the “What if?” questions you ask could help move you toward wellness?

The Power of “What If?” Questions

Asking more positive and thought-provoking versions of “What if?” has numerous advantages. It compels you to clear your head, calm your fears, consider new possibilities, chart your future, and champion your recovery.

In my life, I’ve learned to move worry and clutter out of my mind and into the form of constructive questions. I stop and ask questions that challenge my perspective about a situation. I explore new options for addressing problems I once thought were unsolvable.

Initially, authoring these columns presented quite a dilemma for me. I’ve always enjoyed public speaking more than writing. Being a magazine columnist seemed daunting. But the task was made considerably easier when I asked myself, “What if I write like I’m speaking to an audience or a friend?” In answering that question, I came to see things in a new light, greatly reducing my anxiety.

The power is in the type of “What if?” questions you pose. In this essay, I offer several sets of these questions to consider. As you contemplate your answers, you’ll discover simple ideas for creating a more successful, satisfying “recovery” and life. In addition to giving it a go alone, you can go through this process with the people who support your recovery. You can even use it as part of your therapy sessions. Just check with your therapist first!

Regardless of how you proceed, pondering the questions and continuing to pose similar ones yourself should produce positive results.

Here are the first seven questions.

Changing Perspectives

Remember, the Question Is “What If …”

… you learned of a cure for your illness? Would you move on with your life or claim that something else was holding you back?
… you had the perfect doctor and therapist? Would your chances for full recovery improve?
… you started taking the lead in your treatment? Would you make progress in recovery?
… you no longer faced any stigma? Would you still find someone or something to blame?
… your insurance company no longer discriminated against you? Would you seek out the best care you could find and stick to it?
… your family accepted you as who you are? Would you spend time focusing on them and their needs?
… your friends actually “got it”? Would you embrace them and their issues as well?

Years ago, I asked myself how my “recovery” would be impacted if my family had a chance to more fully understand my illness. I wondered how my situation would improve if my friends had a better grasp of what was going on with me. These questions prompted me to take action. For example, I asked my doctor to write to my parents about my bipolar diagnosis and what it meant. I began opening up to close friends and answering their questions. As a result, I was able to begin securing the circle of support that I enjoy and rely on today.

Are you beginning to see how asking positive hypothetical questions can lead you to reflect and engage in productive conversation with others?

Let’s look at several more questions.

Prompts for Productive Conversations

What if …

… your self-esteem was finally intact? Would you start to see the good in you that others have seen all along?
… you examined your thinking? Would you replace negative thoughts with healthy, empowering ones?
… you stopped seeing yourself as being disabled? Would you get on with your life and capitalize on your abilities?
… you accepted full responsibility for your words and actions? Would you quit placing blame everywhere else?
… you quit making excuses? Would you take a first step toward achieving your dream?
… you knew when to keep your mouth shut? Would you become a better listener?
… you didn’t take everything personally? Would you become more self-confident?

There was a time when an innocent comment would shut me down and a reasonable question could set me off. Learning to question myself enabled me to become more objective and balanced and less emotional and sensitive. And I’m still working at it.

Here are the final questions.

Asking Empowering Questions

What if …

… you left the past behind and were hopeful about tomorrow? Would you start making the most of today?
… you could finally get the job, the home, and the relationship you’ve always wanted? Would you be happier?
… you finally let your guard down? Would you allow those closest to you to know your deepest secrets?
… you realized that it’s OK to not be perfect? Would you be willing to admit it when you made a mistake?
… you began to see yourself as lovable? Would you accept love from others and be willing to share it?
… you stopped setting unreasonable expectations? Would you set realistic, yet challenging, goals?
… you started standing up and speaking out for yourself? Would you improve mental health care for everyone?

In learning to become my own best advocate, I asked questions like, “What if I stand up for myself and don’t let this person degrade me?” and “What if I speak out about the type of treatment I’m receiving?” Doing so was instrumental in energizing my “recovery.”

You’ll find that your stability benefits, too, when you ask the right “What if?” questions. It moves you forward on the road to wellness. Asking the wrong questions, on the other hand, places limits on yourself and your recovery.

Think you’ve got it?

Let’s see. Which question is more likely to lead to an answer that boosts your stability?

“What if I’m never stable again?” Or,
“What if I try this strategy and it leads to more stability?”

Stop demeaning yourself and holding yourself back. Start believing in yourself and look forward to a more meaningful life. When you ask the right questions, there’s no limit to what you can accomplish.

Used by permission.